HATI = JIWA = HIDUP

ASSALAMUALAIKUM,

Hari ini  sudah masuk Syawal ke 6. Alhamdulillah syukur pada Allah kita sudah kembali kepada fitrah. Apapun, saya sedikit sedih kerana saya kecewa dengan pencapaian saya sepanjang Ramadhan kerana tidak menepati azam saya. Saya sangat rindukan Ramadhan. Ramadhan adalah bulan yang sangat berkah kerana ia menghidupkan hati dan jiwa saya dan kerananya juga saya berasa saya benar-benar hidup.

Apabila Ramadhan berakhir, kita kembali kepada fitrah yang biasa kita lalui. Tapi inilah yang saya takutkan. Kerana fitrah saya tidak sama dengan orang kebanyakan (memang setiap orang berbeza), maksud saya oleh kerana saya sedang mengalami "ganguan", cara saya berfikir dan berperasaan sedikit berbeza dari orang lain.
Jadi saya sangat bimbang jika saya tidak cukup kuat untuk menghadapi ujian mendatang.

Beberapa hari ini saya sedang dilanda satu perasaan. Saya sudah penat sebenarnya dengan gelodak perasaan ini. Saya hanya inginkan kedamaian. Tapi telah ditakdirkan kedamaian itu sangat jauh dari saya. Pelbagai perasaan yang hadir; rindu, marah, benci, keliru, hilang arah, lemah dan tidak berdaya. Saya tidak boleh terus-terusan mengeluh kerana ia seolah-olah menidakkan ketentuan Allah. Tapi saya sungguh lemah dengan pelbagai perasaan, emosi dan pikiran. Allah, susah benar untuk saya jelaskan. Yang pasti saya selalu berharap agar semua ini hilang dan berlalu pergi. Sungguh, saya sungguh-sungguh harap hati saya agar menjadi damai.

Hari ini saya berada di Taiping, rumah kak ngah saya. Sengaja saya membawa emak dan ayah berjalan-jalan ke rumah anak sedara kesayangan mereka. Sebenarnya saya suka datang ke Taiping, entah kenapa ia seperti menyimpan satu perasaan yang khusus untuk saya. I always feel i'm at home when i'm in Taiping. Weirdly, i've never had this feeling when i AM really at my hometown Alor Setar Kedah. Selain Taiping, saya pernah merasa perasaan yang sama ketika pergi ke HKSBP 2011 di Seremban Negeri Sembilan. Ketika bas memasuki bandar Seremban, entah kenapa ada satu perasaan Deja vu hadir. Tapi, Taiping lebih istimewa kerana saya rasa tenang dan damai. Sampai sekarang saya masih tertanya-tanya tentang hal ini. Anyway, hanya Allah yang lebih mengetahui kerana ini adalah rahsia Nya.

Di rumah kak ngah saya lepak-lepak jer sambil bukak youtube. While i am being a stalker (i've never thought that i am a stalker but my students said things that i did was a kind of stalking), i found this song sung by Taylor Swift; Enchanted. I like the lyrics. So i think i would like to share it here. Please do read them below....

"Enchanted" - Taylor Swift

There I was again tonight
Forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired lonely place

Walls of insincerity,
Shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face

All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?"
Across the room your silhouette
Starts to make its way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks
Like passing notes in secrecy

And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up
2 AM, who do you love?
I wonder 'til I'm wide awake
And now I'm pacing back and forth
Wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say, "Hey,
It was enchanting to meet you,
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you."

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that
This was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name
Until I see you again
These are the words I held back
As I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

p.s# i don't really listen to songs esp English currently, but i like the lyrics. But songs that really struck my heart are Malay songs especially sung by P.Ramlee, Sheila Majid, Siti Nurhaliza and some others. 

p.s.s#  exception for Sami Yusuf. i love his songs very much.

p.p.s# i wish that song was dedicated to me and if that's so; i can't wait any longer... time's running out!!